When a Relationship ends
If you are in a relationship that is splitting up and children are involved, some things to keep in mind as you travel this next step in your journey…
This is not the end of the world, although, at times it may seem that way, to both of you. I know this, because I’ve been there. There will be tough times for the one who wants out and tough times for the one who didn’t necessarily want out. How you each deal with these tough times will show the person that you are. Your children are watching. If you both are ok, then they will be ok, too.
Your kids are priority one! How you each deal with and handle each other, teaches your children how to deal with relationship breakups (and they will have them too).
In all things, be kind to each other. (You will be connected for the rest of your lives)
The fact is, relationships do not last forever. You aren’t unique. We age, we grow, we change and our needs/desires change, too. It’s unusual that as many relationships stay together as they do (and I wonder how happy some of them really are). Not many people really grow/change together.
It’s ok to be happy. It is what we all strive for in life and everyone’s “happy” is different. And it’s ok to stop doing what makes you unhappy. It doesn’t make anyone a “bad” person. It just means they want something different in life. Life is all about change. We do our children a disservice if we teach them that marriages should last forever, they should only last forever if both in the relationship are happy. Teach your children that if they are not happy, they have the right to change things.
As much as possible, figure things out together. Talk about things. Don’t argue, shout or get angry. Doing that serves no one. And don’t let your children use each of you against each other (and they will try). Be together on how you deal with your children. Make sure they know that you are both on the same page. Keep each other informed about anything regarding your children while they are with each of you. But also remember that it is your responsibility to stay informed about your children's world. It will take a little work now, because if you aren’t living together, you won’t see everything.
Make sure your children have the opportunity to be with each of you 50/50. Be fair. Your children are not possessions!
Each person has to dig deep in their soul and figure out what makes them happy. Remember, that happy doesn’t come from another person, happy comes from within. No other person can make you happy (it doesn’t work that way). Too many people seek out that person to “make them happy” and that may be why so many relationships fail. You have to be happy with who you are and when two happy people meet, they can share their happiness together.
In all things, remember what you do, what you say and how you react to things, will show others the person that you are. KJ @ KJ-isms